Wake up call.

I had recently returned back to my previous state of unemploymentness. And I am back to my unemployment routines, which was,

7.00 a.m - 8.00 a.m- jog about 4 km (at least)

8.00 a.m - 10.00 a.m- breakfast and morning internet online session (not just facebook, but checking the box score on sports blogs, check job ads and what not.)

11.00 a.m - 12.00 p.m- catch up on whatever tv serie re-runs that is aired on ASTRO

12.00 p.m - 2.00 p.m- have lunch at a slow pace, enjoying the meal, munching and chewing at least 40 times a bite before swallowing...

2.00 p.m- 4.30 p.m- afternoon internet online session after Zohor prayer, and afternoon nap...

5.00 p.m- 7.00 p.m - basketball or jog

However, at precisely 3.30 p.m today, while I was dozing in dreamland, I literally, got a phone call that woke me up. It was a rather interesting certificate graduate programme for engineering graduates. And it's free (and a provided RM 1500 allowance, which is what most employers would pay these days for degree graduates during these hard times...). And takes about 2 months of attending classes, and will be followed up by 6 months on the job training (OJT), and eventually will be assimilated by the company that provided the OJT.

Nice. Something to look forward to. I guess this would be my ticket. A good wake up call indeed. Now time to continue my afternoon nap... Zzzzzz....

Kenapa aku keseorangan?

Bluerrgghh~ I am so disgusted... It would seem that I am indeed alone in my cause. I am indeed alone with my ideals... I am indeed, alone in my journey.

My so called peers, are not even at the same page with me. And nor I am at the same page with them.

Graduated with a grade point average located somewhere in mid mediocre level of 2.8 something, I can't land a proper job that suits me. Don't get me wrong, I ain't choosy, just being smart about my options.

To do whatever job that doesn't satisfy my thirst for knowledge, and being treated like I was a retard? To do a job and take orders from someone who I don't respect for their dishonorable antics? To actually sell my beliefs for the sake of making money? I don't think so.

Calling me for having too much pride? That's not even close.

Like I have told time and time again, I DON'T want to be known for my job. I have one too many friends that I refuse to connect with after we have graduated. Why? Simply, because they have got a good paying job and likes to brag about it. They simply use their career as a measuring stick to compare themselves with others. It's true what they say, "You can take the douche out from the kampung, but never the kampung out from the douche..."

Fine then. Label me as a loser now. I'm 25. I know my best years are still ahead of me...

Gadis dan Emoticons: What's up with that?

I don't freaking understand how the hell emoticons had become so important in my daily communications. It used to be simpler. It used to be just series of commas and brackets, but now it's a must in every conversations to read what 'gadises' are actually thinking.

I suspect that sometime in the new millennia (back in the year 2000), there have been secret meetings between some of the most powerful and influential women on earth regarding on 'how to hint the guys what we're thinking without giving out too much'. And perhaps it was done discreetly in coffee shops like Starbucks and Coffeebeans. And they were disguising the meets as 'social connectivity'.

And perhaps Oprah had her hands on this matter. And so did Jennifer Aniston. Or maybe even Ramlah Ram was partly involved in it. I don't know.

But it's important to be reading the emoticon signs when you have incoming texts, be it via SMS, or the occasional instant messagings (YM, MSN, whatever).

Because it's telling you either;

:P = we're just friends and i like to joke with you
:) = i like you as a friend, but don't push the wrong buttons that could send warheads your way
;P = i like you more than a friend, i just don't know about that yet
;) = i really dig you, please notice my pheromones
XD = i'm always excited when i'm around you... you're like prozac to me.
:)) = i got double chins and maybe slightly overweight, but i'm still cute nonetheless...

Or, I could totally be wrong about this whole thing and have already caused more than a dozen of nuclear warheads aimed at me for the next decade or so. Either way, I still don't understand emoticons when it comes to 'gadis'.

Last Day of Work...

Tomorrow is gonna be my last day of work. I am, in a way, happy for what I have come to learn about people these past 3 months. Judge me all you want. But I know well what I have learnt.

1) Honour is somehow the defining points of a man's worth. And apparently, those who dresses well and make the most money is the shittiest as far as being honourable is concerned. Die vain motherfuckers. Die.

2) Class. Shitheads often try to degrade classier (i.e, more educated and more commonly sensible individuals) down to their level. So that they can beat these 'classy people' in their game of mud wrestling. Luckily, if anything basketball has ever thought me, PLAY YOUR OWN GAME. If you can't, MAKE THEM play your game.

3) Stay true to your ideals. Sure, you can't be too headstrong about your ideals, but don't be too easily shaken about it either. There are too many disappointments in this world for any one man can take. And eventually, they will sell their ideals in the name of 'for the sake of living a life' by simply saying, "don't hate the player, hate the game." I have seen men broken by the filthy rules of life. I have been tempted by them to join their brand of thinking. I have lost respect for them. I have walked away from them.

4) Money makes the world go round. Just have to be careful so that it doesn't make YOUR WORLD go round.

5) I don't bow down to just any one person. Not trying to sound arrogant, but I only respect people who has something to show me. Money, cars, namesake, status? Fuck off. I have no respect for those. If I can kick your sorry weakling ass in a fist-fight, I'd do it in a heartbeat if you are just another no-honour-shithead.

6) I have been dubbed of not wanting responsibilities. True to that. Anyone who thinks they can burden themselves with responsibilities are probably a better leader or a douche who is seeking popularity. Either way, I am neither. I just want a simple life. I just want to be a man. Not a hero. Not even a great man. Just a plain, scruffy bearded man.

Not really much of a life lesson, but merely self-discovery. But enough to shape me into a better version myself. I hope. Now time to find another job... Where them job ads at?

Maafkan aku.

Maafkan aku.

Aku terpaksa. Hanya kerana aku menilai sesuatu yang kita ada lebih dari perkara kecil dan remeh sebegini.

Aku akui, jika aku lebih kuat, mungkin pengakhirannya lebih baik. Jika latarbelakang aku memang di tempatnya, mungkin tak perlu sebegini janggal jadinya.

Tapi aku tetap percaya hidup ini perlu diamati dan dilalui dengan baik DAN buruknya bersama. Memang terdapat baiknya perkara ini, tapi banyak lagi buruknya. Dan aku memang dah pertimbangkan akibatnya...

Seharusnya seawal dulu lagi aku menolak. Seawal dulu aku ikut kata hati. Seawal dulu aku pertimbangkan pengakhiran ini adalah senario yang paling mungkin berlaku. Tapi tidak. Seperti yang kita selalu ucapkan sesama kita, "Abaikan dahulu. Tangani bila masalah itu tiba. Hidup untuk masa ini."

Kelakar. Kita juga lupa tentang pepatah antara kita, "Apa sahaja kesilapan yang boleh berlaku, akan berlaku."

Tapi rasanya aku tetap bersyukur. Peluang yang diberikan. Pengalaman yang ditempuh bersama. Perasaan mempunyai seorang 'saudara' yang aku memang percayakan, yang membuat aku rasa 'sebahagian dari sesuatu yang lebih bermakna dari persahabatan'.

Tapi rasanya aku memang bukan orang yang layak menerima kebaikan sedemikian. Sekurang-kurangnya bukan sekarang. Sekurang-kurangnya bukan dengan orang seperti kau.

Rugi. Tapi rasanya ini memang caranya aku golek ("This is how I roll," kata orang Amerika). Aku memang tak pernah suai pun dengan mana-mana kumpulan mahupun jenis kawan. Memang aku dilahirkan sebagai 'bola aneh' (oddball) agaknya. Kawan rapat boleh dibilang dengan jari. Dan kawan rapat yang tahu-menahu akan hal aku memang tak pernah wujud.

Untuk segalanya, jangan sesekali anggap aku tak hormat kau. Hanya kerana ideal aku terlalu bercanggah dengan ideal kau.

Maka maafkan aku.